The key to trust in a relationship is feeling that the other person accepts you for who you are.
Some people use guilt as their main method of persuasion. This is nothing more than a manipulation tactic, though. It's far too often that the various women in a man's life will use guilt to get him to do what they want. Whether it's his mother trying to convince him to call her every day, or his sister asking him about why he doesn't visit more often, or his girlfriend complaining that he never listens, it can get tiring to be assaulted with people's expectations.
If you want to make your boyfriend happy, be a voice of forgiveness in his life instead of guilt. If he accidentally forgets your anniversary, don't hold it against him.
If he doesn't have the cash to take you to a fancy place for your birthday, let it go. Now, this doesn't mean that you should sit there quietly seething. By all means, speak up and address your issues.
However, do it from a place of understanding if you can. Don't try to manipulate him with guilt. Be quick to forgive him for honest mistakes instead of bringing them up six months later during a fight. It's easy to tell yourself, "Well he shouldn't be this way," or complain that he should have done this or he should have done that. Part of being a forgiving person is letting go of the "shoulds" and letting your boyfriend be who he is without judgement.
Of course, if he does something unacceptable, then maybe it makes sense to dump him. This doesn't mean that you can't dump him with forgiveness, though. Sometimes forgiveness means letting go. If you find that you always have to guilt him into doing what you want, then maybe you should be together anyway. Even if you have different interests and hobbies, there's always something to appreciate about someone else's passion.
Show your boyfriend this. Go the extra mile and learn about the things he's interested and try to understand what he sees in them. It's easy to dismiss sports, or stamp collecting, or electronics, or whatever as boring and pointless, but try to see things from his perspective.
Even if you can't, there are probably things in your life that you really care about and you can probably relate in that way at least. Explore new hobbies with him. Go to places that he's always wanted to go. Try something he really likes, at least once. Who knows? You might even find that you like it yourself. At the end of the day, following the above tips will help keep your relationship healthy and will probably make your boyfriend happy. Still, if you have problems in spite of all these efforts, it could be that there's some deeper problem lurking underneath. Keeping a man interested shouldn't be that hard.
If it is, then this points to possible inherent incompatibilities between the two of you. You might be trying to force a relationship to happen when you're too different or you're headed down different life paths. It could also be that you're overthinking things too much. Take a step back and try to enjoy the relationship for what it is.
Very few things will make your boyfriend more happy than having a girlfriend who is content with the present moment. My boyfriend is always moody, and sometimes he swears at me. I just keep quiet because I respect him.
What can I do? I don't know your situation, but he sounds like a jerk. There's not a whole lot you can do in that case except move on to someone who actually will treat you well. People like that exist. Don't let anyone treat you badly; it's better to be alone than in a crappy relationship. I do everything my boyfriend asks of me as well as keeping my mouth shut.
I do just that, but he has these mood swings and when he is upset or stressed he yells at me and gives me more job duties, or he tells me what I can do to better myself, but in ugly ways. Is this normal? This is not normal or healthy. If what you're saying is true, it sounds like you're in an abusive relationship. Consider getting out of it immediately, and if you're too scared to leave him, call someone you trust to be there when you break up.
No one deserves to be treated that way. To comment on this article, you must sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Add Your Comment.. My boyfriend has been acting weird recently My boyfriend of 4 years is unhappy with me, he says he just wants me to be more happy and positive so I do my best to stay happy and i buy him his favorite things and game consoles.
He gets angry with me very easily for example tonight we were talking and he started yelling at me for doing the dishes and cooking for my grandpa before i left the house and it confused me so i stayed calm just acted happy not to agitate him more. Knowing this may help you understand the complexity of a man.
He needs to learn to love himself through the hard times before he can love you through the hard times. Sick, huh? I come in truth. This is a tough one to talk about. Your guy has to learn to love himself. This includes all the deepest and darkest parts too, the parts that scare him to death. The unfaced and unfelt parts of our psyche are the source of all neurosis and suffering. Carl Jung said that, not me. If he only loves a certain part of himself like his looks, the rest of him will just go on undeveloped. In many ways I was like a child before. I avoided pain or sacrifice every chance I could, and I turned into a big man-child.
If this is happening to your man, you must stop it right away. In the end, you can get over this together. The bond between you will be unbreakable, and he will love you forever. Stick in there, but develop a plan right away. Not only is he suffering, you are as well. Take action now.
Paul is on Twitter and Instagram. I am so glad I came across this article. Every good I pumped into him, he turned into something bad. He simply refuses to see it. He was so loving and caring and over the moon the first couple of months and the moment he realized he had me, he started with the emotional cruelty, often not even realizing he did so.
I have never let a man get away with as much as I did with him. All I know is that I truly love him and I know he does as well but he just cannot go there. To see that you were able to work through this truly gives me hope. Thank you!
Hi Mary, I am another Mary. I would normally never comment on an article, but tears have been falling all night since I read this article and your comment. I left my boyfriend who I also lived with a year ago. In our last fight I found myself curled up on the floor not being able to move from the crying and he did not know how to help me, even if he was the only one to. I left him because he would not seek help, and I have been told ever since how strong that made me. I have tried to understand how your big love can tell you that you will always be the love of his life and still let you go.
I still feel the wounds of going from being the prize to the one who got away. I am proud I did, but my fear is that I will love him forever. Just like you, I put up with so much more than I ever would. I went far and just to the edge. Every point in this article sounds like words from him. Thank you both. The comments below sadden me. This is what people do when confronted with narcissism…. They tell themselves that they need to love more, be more empathetic and forgiving.
While this article is helpful to understand the why, every single one of these people should RUN. You cannot love someone into loving you. Love yourself!! Do not pur up with abuse regardless of WHY. I am a Mary as well,I love him with all my heart, mind, body and soul. He is:was my best friend , but word for word he changed like explained in the article I know he loves me But he also is married and we were killing each other. I miss my friend. I am going through very similar. I appreciate hearing this. I have had many nights where I just break down and feel I cannot go anymore.
Thanks very much for this! I have loved a man with low self-esteem for 2 years. I have traveled a journey with him that I would not want to do again, but my patience, my constant love shown to him, my support of the wonderful man he was underneath all that hurt and pain, has paid off. It was a painful journey and so hard to hang on during it.
He is such a wonderful man. I am currrently dealing with this with my boyfriend. I found texts to another girl in his phone. He said he is working on himself right now but how do I help him? I am being supportive and see the true person he is inside and love him deeply. While his working on himself do I keep my distance? Beth — Yes leave him. Go life your life and let him have the space to work on himself.
On that chance that he never figures himself out then you will look back one day and be happy that you made the tough decision to walk away. My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years now. I love him with all of my heart. This helped me because he would hurt and hurt me and I always thought it was something I did wrong until I caught him crying. He also cheated. This blog will help me to help better love him.
He is my everything. Thank you. I feel the same way about my guy. He has been so hurt and I love him too with all my heart. This article helped me with patience with him and understanding why he does some of the things he does. It has taken me two years to realize how hard my guy has been on himself too, but my constant love and reassurance that he is a wonderful giving, loving man is paying off.
He is opening up like I never thought possible. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. However, I know who he is deep inside and want to keep giving him the chance to love it. I want it to work. We wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. What and how did you change your thinking and behavior?
How did you come to that point of self-love? I think you guys loving someone like this is so beautiful. Two different things. Respecting someone is not the same as loving someone. I myself have to also put my boundaries down because I am learning how to draw the line as well. I hope you have left him. Do NOT marry this guy. It is not going to get better. You should not take one more minute of one sidedness. Not one more….
It sux to be alone but better that temporarily than to sign up for a committment that will likely lead to an even more painful divorce. There are too many good guys out there. I was in a relationship with a man for several months who was incredible. Our kids got along we loved to do all the same things he was incredibly affectionate and loving constantly kissing me showing up at my house cooking me food very loving and giving.
However he had been cheated on by his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend and he would constantly bring up an ex-boyfriend of mine even though I had ended it- that boyfriend was a contractor working on my kitchen. He would bring him up a lot and not believe me when I assured him nothing was going on- I even fired the ex and got someone else to finish the kitchen.
Then out of the blu he looks at me and says there should be fireworks by now and again brings up the ex even though I cut off contact! To say there were no fireworks between us was ridiculous and a slap in my face. I will say it all happened between us it very quickly and I wonder if it just terrified him.
Maybe you've met someone, the right someone, and you've spent a lot of time together over the last several months or even years. You know how you feel about him, however, how do you know if he is really ready to commit? Was this helpful? Yes No I need help. A man who is committing to the long-term with you will be demonstrating five or more of these traits to show that he is devoted to you and would like to build a long-term future. What does it mean when a guy you are dating casual says he wants to be your companion and baby daddy yet he still talks to you about his exes.
I have tried: To ask him what exactly does he want from me because I am confused Was this helpful? Yes No I need help Sounds like you may be in a rebound relationship. What you need to do is request that he start looking toward a future with you instead of comparing you to past relationships. Be honest and state that he confuses you by speaking about the future while obsessing about the past. Ask him if he has received proper closure from these past relationships. Perhaps he is over analyzing everything with past mistakes because he is afraid of making them again however, there can be no chance for you as a couple unless he gives up dwelling in the past.
I've been in the same relationship since an since he's told me he wants to commit but the more my family ask about marriage with me he makes us excuses we don't have our own place , we are too young, the Government so on an so forth. We now have our own place a 4 month old baby an his last excuse is the Government an if we divorce I'll get everything.
Does he really want to marry me or does he just not want to be alone so he sticks by my side? I want to know am I wasting my time or do I just keep on going? This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer. If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below. Categories : Relationships. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 48, times.